Urban Suburban

This weekend past I spent some time with my friend Colin in Little India, and at the Beaches International Jazz Festival. I have a great love for Indian food, but had never ventured into 'little India'. It was a great experience.

My friend Colin is a gay dad, he has a 7 year old son. I heard him tell me about his son eating 'sushi' and having a 'Starbuck's' card, and it made me aware of how I limit my kids exposure to only 'suburban' pursuits. 'Wendy's', 'Swiss Chalet' etc, my kids have a pretty vanilla experience of ethnic foods and culture. I myself relish venturing into the city, and enjoying a multitude of ethnic cuisines, I couldn't imagine not. Yet I don't think to bring my kids into the city to experience it with me? I have always felt a disconnect with what I classify as my two existences, Gay in Toronto, Dad in Burlington, and yet I am thinking it's time to align the two 'worlds' that have felt so separate and inclusive unto themselves.

As I walked around the Jazz festival, enjoying the music, I was aware of all the diversity. So many families and kids enjoying all the festival had to offer. I think my kids would really enjoy having their Dad show them new and exciting sights, smells, and tastes. Things that they have not yet experienced living in the 'bubble' of suburbia.

My kids are currently vacationing in Disney World for two weeks with my parents, but upon their return, I'm going to start expanding their horizons. I don't know what they will quite say about trying 'Sushi', but hey, I'll give them the opportunity.

The Riddle

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

An Anniversary Of Sorts

It was 5 years ago today that I took the courageous leap and "Came Out". I am noting the day, and all of the things that I have learned throughout the journey. I was going to write about some of my lessons, but feel that they are a just a little too personal. What comes to mind though, and sort of encompasses the sentiment of what I would like to say, is in the inspirational teachings of the "Desiderata".
Suffice it to say that the more I learn, the less I know~ I owe great thanks to the Universe for that.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Save Your Scissors

So go on
And I will refrain
And I'll keep on running this neverending race
Well maybe next time will be the right time
And maybe next time will be your time

So save your scissors
For someone else's skin
My surface is so tough
I don't think the blade will dig in
Save your strength
Save your wasted time
There's no way that I want you to be left behind
Go on save your scissors
Save your scissors

So why does it always seem
That every time I turn around
Somebody falls in love with me
This has never been my sole intention
And I have never claimed
to have patents on such inventions

Just save your scissors
For someone else's skin
My surface is so tough
I don't think the blade will dig in
Save your strength
Save your wasted time
There's no way that I want you to be left behind
Go on save your scissors
Save your scissors

There is something that I must confess to you tonight
To you tonight
And that is I expect nothing less from you tonight
From you tonight

Go on save your scissors
Save your scissors
Save your scissors

Happy Birthday Little Man

Well today is my son Nicholas' 11th birthday. 11 years ago at 5:18am our little 'pickle bunny' came into the world. Where has the time gone???
Nick, I am so proud of you. I wish you a very Happy Birthday, and many more to come!!!

LOVE YOU NICK!!!! Enjoy your time in Disney, I miss you guys~

Safe journey home

Click

Tonight I went to see the movie 'Click' starring Adam Sandler. My exposure to Adam Sandler has typically been in movies like 'The Wedding Singer', 'Happy Gilmore' and the like. As a result I was not what you would call an Adam Sadler fan.

I went into the movie braced for Adam Sandler being the same character he always seems to play, which in my mind is 'Adam Sandler'. Boy was I wrong. 'Click' is actually a really lovely movie. The premise being, the lead character (Sandler) the workaholic, becomes frustrated with trying to prioritize his family life with that of his bosses work expectations.

The solution is a 'universal' remote, which Sandler quickly discovers, can 'control' his universe.

The ability to 'fast' forward through fights with his wife, and boring family dinners, quickly escalates into jumping ahead a whole year to see his vision of 'making partner' at his firm become a reality.

What Sandler soon realizes is that his new found gadget has a price. One that sees him missing his children growing up, his marriage falling apart, and ultimately the loss of all that he holds dear.

I was not expecting to need Kleenex, but suffice it so say that a whole box could have been used by the movies end.

If you have a chance, try and catch this little gem, you won't be disappointed. It may even put some things into perspective for you!

Calling All Angels

Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir
and all the rest

a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing

then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times before it's too late?

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we're cryin' and we're hurtin'
and we're not sure why...

and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it's almost...it's almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means

but if you could...do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
we're hurtin'
we're lovin'
we're cryin'
we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes

New Learning

This past weekend I attended the first of a series of training intensives. Two leaders, two assistants, and 22 participants from all walks of life. The three days were to learn about "The Coaches Training Intitutes" co-active coaching techniques, however all in attendance will attest to receiving much, much more.

After the first day's apprehension wore off, the group quickly connected and new bonds were being created. I was really present to my initial 'judgments' and 'pre-determined' assessments of who each participant was, and how they all faded away as the true uniqueness and individuality of each spirit was revealed.

The learning on how to be an effective "Life Coach" felt like a back drop to me, for some profound personal discoveries. Owning how I function with people, and what compensatory behaviors and 'walls' I have incorporated into who I am were made evident and challenged. Not the most comfortable experience, but I know that there is learning in the 'discomfort'. People who know me, know that I like nice things and to be 'comfortable'. I am making it a point now, to put myself in as many 'uncomfortable' situations as I possibly can. I embrace the change.

As I continue my learning, I look forward to new discoveries and new connections. I am ever grateful for the gift that I received this past weekend, in my new friends, and revelations. Heart felt thanks again to Signy, Lorry, and the entire group. Amazing, Amazing, Amazing!!!! ~NAMASTE~

Something So Right

You’ve got the cool water
When the fever runs high
And you’ve got the look of love
Right in your eyes
And I was in a crazy motion
Till you calmed me down
It took a little time
But you calmed me down

Some people never say the words
"i love you"
It’s not their style to be so bold
Some people never say the words
"i love you"
But like a child
They’re longing to be told

They’ve got a wall in china
It’s a thousand miles long
To keep out the foreigners
They made it strong
And I’ve got a wall around me
That you can’t even see
It took a little time
To get next to me

If something goes wrong
I’m the first to admit it
The first to admit it
But the last one to know
If something goes right
Well, it’s likely to lose me
It’s apt to confuse me
Because it’s such an unusual sight
Oh I can’t get used to something so right
Something so right

Some people never say the words
"i love you"
It’s not their style to be so bold
Some people never say the words
"i love you"
But like a child
I’m longing to be told

They’ve got a wall in china
And I’ve got a wall around me
It took a little time
To get next to me

Shout out for M!!!!!!!

Every gay man has a 'girl', they generally call them 'fag hags', well my girl's name is Mariana.

Mariana and I met back in 1999 while we were both participant's in Landmark Education's "Forum" seminar. On both the first and second day of the seminar, Mariana and I recall being 'aware' of one another, and where the other was sitting within the conference room. We would always mentally check for where the other was sitting upon returning from each break, and seemed to be conscious of each other 'energetically', before we ever actually met. On that second day, as we were returning from a break, Mariana stopped me at the doorway and asked if she could give me a hug?

Well, she not only gave me that first hug that day, but has been 'hugging' me ever since.

Mariana and I know everything about one another, every deep dark crevice of each others 'being', and still love each other at the end of the day~

There have been phone calls at every conceivable hour of the day and night. Countless discussions over men, stuff about our families, jobs, friends, baggage, you name it! We often just call one another to check in throughout the day.

We don't seem to go more than a few hours without touching base. She is my family of choice! And I love her soooo much. I call her my sister of the universe. And I have her back, as I know she has mine.

Mariana has a job interview on Tuesday July 18/06, and it's for a job with Children's Aid that she not only wants, very badly, but one that I know she will get. Now, having said that, I am going to put out some fierce positive energy into the universe, and I want everyone that reads my blog to do the same!!!!
Go get 'em Emmy.....THIS JOB IS YOURS BABY!!!!! You've earned it!

Beautifully Undone

I don't remember what it used to be like
The things that I'm not proud of
And the only reason I kept coming back to you
Was 'cause I thought I was in love

But I don't think about you anymore
And I wonder what the hell I came here for
When I'd rather just fall right off of your floor
And come beautifully undone

I don't recall San Francisco at all
It falls right from my memory
And the only place that really exists
Is where you thought you'd found me

But I don't think about you anymore
And I wonder what the hell I came here for
When I'd rather just fall right off of your floor
And come beautifully undone

But I don't think about you anymore
And I wonder what the hell I came here for
When I'd rather just fall right off of your floor
And come beautifully undone