Merry Christmas!!!

Christmas Eve the kids and I drove into Toronto around 9:00am. We had prepared 10 'Care' packages for the homeless, consisting of a Brown bag lunch, a pair of gloves and a wool hat. If you recall in my previous post, when we went ice skating at Nathan Phillips Square, the kids saw some homeless people huddled along Bay Street and were quite affected by what they saw.

I decided that it would be a great lesson, and gift, to do something this Christmas to 'give back'. We have so many blessings in our lives to be grateful for, and I wanted my kids to be truly present to what this 'season' is really about....'Giving'.

I have to say, that I have never received a greater gift personally. The feeling I got in the 'giving' was the greatest gift I ever recall 'receiving'. "Thank You"

After the Care Package distribution we saw 'Disney on Ice' at the Rogers Centre. It was a lot of fun and the kids and I had a great time. We went to an open house at a family friends with my sister in the evening, and enjoyed a great evening of Christmas cheer. On the way home we drove by a house that had been decorated for the holidays. It was one of those houses that you see on the news that creates traffic jams. People were gathered in front of the home and enjoyed the 'lights' display. It was really great to see!

Christmas morning Jo Anne came over early before the kids woke up, so we could all be together. The kids, Jo, my parents, sister, and myself, all enjoyed a great Christmas breakfast, and then headed to my Aunt and Uncles for Christmas dinner. During dinner my Uncle Michael announced that my cousin Kelly and her husband Steve are expecting their first baby, due in July 2007. Exciting news for sure!!!

Boxing day was relaxing, and quiet. Most of the family headed back to my Aunt and Uncle's home for dinner and games etc. Being of British decent, Boxing Day is an important part of Christmas, and a celebration unto itself. We play games, and enjoy the day as a family. It was such a busy time this year, I decided to stay close to home on Boxing Day, and just relaxed. It was just what I needed.

We all had a great Christmas, received and gave many great gifts, ate and drank too much, and just enjoyed all being together.

Merry Christmas to all my dear friends and family!!!!.......Tis' the Season~

The Secret

The Secret has existed throughout the history of humankind. It has been discovered, coveted, suppressed, hidden, lost and recovered. It has been hunted down, stolen, and bought for vast sums of money.

Now for the first time in history, The Secret is being revealed to the world over two breathtaking hours. A number of exceptional men and women discovered The Secret, and went on to become known as the greatest people who ever lived. Among them: Plato, Leonardo, Galileo, Napoleon, Hugo, Beethoven, Lincoln, Edison, Einstein and Carnegie, to name but a few.

Fragments of The Secret have been found in the oral traditions, in literature, in religions and philosophies throughout the centuries. For the first time, all the pieces of The Secret come together in an incredible revelation which will be life transforming for all who experience it.

Some of today's greatest teachers will be presented in The Secret and will impart this special wisdom that has been known by so few. They include some of the world's leaders in the fields of business, economics, medicine, psychology, history, theology and science. Each of these teachers is living proof of The Secret; each of them a walking marvel of achievement and success...

Included are; 'Miracle Man' Morris Goodman, who tells his awe inspiring story of how he recovered from paralysis by using The Secret. Dr. Denis Waitley, who used various aspects of The Secret in training Olympic athletes and Apollo astronauts to reach new heights of human endeavour.

Best selling authors and philosophers including Bob Proctor, John Assaraf, James Ray and Joe Vitale, explain how they have created lives of phenomenal success utilising The Secret. Doctors in the fields of medicine and quantum physics explain the science behind The Secret.

The Secret reveals amazing real life stories and testimonials of regular people who have changed their lives in profound ways. By applying The Secret they present instances of eradicating disease, acquiring massive wealth, overcoming obstacles and achieving what many would regard as impossible.

Secret reveals how to apply this powerful knowledge to your life in every area from health to wealth, to success and relationships. The Secret is everything you have dreamed of... and is beyond your wildest dreams.

http://thesecret.tv

I just purchased a copy of 'The Secret'. I had heard about it, and WOW, it's all I thought it would be and more!

I had mentioned 'What The Bleep Do We Know?' several posts back, and if you liked 'What The Bleep' you MUST see 'The Secret'.

It gives you the tools to profoundly change the way you live and to 'create' the life you want. A must see!!!!

Cheetah Girls

OK, so tonight I took my daughter Alex, and her girlfriend Natasha to the Cheetah Girls concert at the Air Canada Centre.

Me and thousands of screaming pre-teens. At one point I actually thought my ears were going to bleed, but alas, they didn't and I survived.

Too much leopard print, and bare mid-drifts, and that was just on the 'Mom's' ;)

I locked my car keys in the car, which led to an event filled evening involving CAA, but all in all the girls had a great evening.

I think I get "Father of the Year" for this one! Hope you enjoyed it "Flower"....Kisses!

My Little Volleyball Star

My son Nick made the Volleyball team at his school. I attended his first game today. I was so proud of him, he plays really well. His team won all their games, and they advanced to the next level. YAY NICK!!! Proud of you baby!!!

Nathan Phillips Square

Tonight I took the kids into Toronto to Nathan Phillips Square to go ice skating.

Me, my kids, my Mom, my Aunt and Cousin all loaded in our cars with hot chocolate and drove down town. As we drove up Bay Street my kids noticed some of the cities homeless bundled in their sleeping bags on random street corners, and couldn't quite figure out what was going on?

Living in Burlington, we don't really have a visible homeless population, and my kids were quite profoundly affected by the site they saw. I personally am desensitized to it I guess, as I am in the city quite often. It occurred to me that it's a sight that no one should be comfortable with in 2006.

It occurred to me that my kids and I are so lucky for all we have, and it made me think how I could give something back?, and in the process teach my kids about giving back, and to be grateful for all the blessing in our lives.

Anyway, we got to Nathan Phillips Square, and enjoyed an evening of ice skating. There was an outdoor concert featuring Devine Brown, and a grand finale of fire works over City Hall.

After the fireworks, we walked along Queen Street and looked at the Christmas window displays at the Bay. It was a really fun evening~

".....AND ALL THAT JAZZ"

Saturday night I enjoyed Garden City Productions version of "Chicago", performed at The Mandeville Theatre, located on the campus of Ridley College in St. Catherine's.

My friend Darryl was in the production, and was really amazing. The cast was a varied group from all walks of life. The one thing they all had in common was a love of theatre.

I was really impressed with the calibre of the performance. The singing and dance numbers were really professionally done. It made for a great evening.

After the show, we went out for drinks with the cast, and had a chance to get to know each of them on a more personal level. What a great bunch of people.

Thanks to everyone in the Cast for a great show and a great evening. Great job Darryl, can't wait to see you in your next show.

Trimming the Tree

Tonight the kids and I helped my Mom trim her Christmas Tree.

We played Christmas carol's and as always, reminisced about Christmas' past and all the good times we have shared over the years.

I find this time of year particularly moving, and tend to be more sentimental than usual (if that's possible) . I will pretty much have a 'lump in my throat' now, through Boxing day~

Hanging the ornaments with memories attached to each, brings me to remember those who are no longer with us. Equally moving, is watching my son Nick get excited as he hangs ornaments, for which he has already created his own attachments to. Good for a few more tears, rest assured!

My mom has tried over the years to convert to the 'Martha Stewart' designer Christmas tree, but she says "It's just not my tree!". So we hang all the decorations that my sister and I made as kids, new ones that my kids have made, in addition to those my Mom as received as gifts throughout the years.

When all is said and done, it's the tree I have known my whole life. And to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.

Enjoy the season everyone!!!

Happy Birthday Eva!!!

Last night I attended my friend Eva's 30th birthday party. The party was hosted by Eva's husband Matt, in a private room at the Panorama Restaurant at the top of the Manulife Centre in Toronto.

They served a variety of Tapas, that kept coming out in courses throughout the evening, coupled with great cocktails, and a spectacular view of the city. Needless to say a good time was had by all.

As always Eva looked stunning. She was surrounded by her family and friends, and truly was the Belle of the Ball.

Eva and I met at our coaching courses. We were sitting on opposing sides of the learning circle, but were instantly connected, and chose to coach one and other in the very first coaching exercise. There is an odd familiarity I feel when I am with Eva, a connection that I have only felt a few other times in my entire life.

I believe that we 'call' people into our lives, when we most need them. Whether it's for a reason, season, or lifetime, all is revealed in due time. Eva came in to my life so seamlessly I can't recall her not being there. It's as if I have known her all my life~ Strange and yet comforting....

Eva, I love you honey, and hope you have the best birthday on the 29th....make sure you are treated royally on your special day....you deserve it!!!

Process Coaching

This weekend past, I attended the 'Process' coaching course with The Coaches Training Institute.

The participants are like family now, and the bonds that have been formed are ones that could potentially last a lifetime. The weekend was an emotional roller coaster, as always, but the learning is powerful and has a profound impact on not only myself, but my fellow participants.

The premise of 'Process' coaching involves two main components. The first being "Down the Tube", the second being "Up the Tube".

We did an exercise, where we had to identify something that we cannot 'be' with. What came up for me is 'Disrespect'. Once you identify what it is you can't 'be' with in your life, it invariably represents a much larger issue for you, and as it resonates, you end up being with some pretty intense issues and the emotions that surround them. As these things surface within you, the only thing to do is be with them FULLY. What we 'resist', 'persists' and although emotionally charged, a great catharsis in the long run. As I am sure you have already realised, this is "Down the Tube".

The opposing direction is "Up the Tube" and identifies your individual 'strengths', and 'qualities'. This is a much more positive exercise, and celebrates the individual being coached. Potential and goals are created, and possibilities are revealed. It really leaves you on a high.

My heartfelt thanks to all the participants who make it safe to be vulnerable and for their willingness to truly share all of themselves. It's truly Magic!

Caroline, Lorry and Barb.....your leadership inspires me, and If I am half the coach that all of you are, I will be more successful that I could ever imagine.

Love you all..........NAMASTE!

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice
inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening...

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Sonny Carroll

Lest We Forget

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

- John McCrae

Autumn

I had to work Saturday of this weekend past, but enjoyed Sunday outside. Spent time raking and bagging the leaves in the yard, and just enjoying being outside.

I love living in Canada, as we get to enjoy such a variety of seasons, Fall being my favourite. I love the cooler temperatures, being able to wear a sweater, and cuddling up in front of a fire.

Long walks with the leaves crunching under my feet, the trees all changing colour, and the beautiful cloud filled sky.

....and Christmas is just around the corner~

Good times!!!!

Happy Halloween!

Tonight, Jo Anne and I took the kids out trick or treating. Nick was "Jason" (Friday the 13th) and Alex was a "Baby".

This was Nick's first year walking around the neighbour hood with his friends, without Mom or Dad in tow. He's growing up! We still walked around with Alex and her friends, and soaked up the energy of all the little ghosts, goblins, and witches.

I always remember back to when I was a kid. My sister, cousins, and I would all go out trick or treating, then return home to inspect the loot.

We would watch "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" on tv, and eat candy until we were nauseous. Ahhh the joys of childhood!

Happy Halloween Everyone~

Balance Coaching

This weekend I attended the "Balance" course with The Coaches Training Institute.

I knew most of the faces, but there were a couple of new ones. It's nice to be with a group of like minded individuals, people who are in a similar mind set regarding personal development. All of the group is beginning to feel like family. Some of the connections that I have made in the courses have overflown into real friendships.

I really felt aligned as I entered the weekend, and I got a lot of great learning, as always!

The 'Balance' approach to coaching, takes a look at 'perspectives', and how they can look different from a variety of positions. Simply moving around your space, physically, can help you look at a situation or area within your life that you feel 'stuck' differently. It was quite profound.

As the possibilities open, and shift, you can decide on the new perspective of choice. Once the new perspective has been decided upon, you then brainstorm on creating action items, finally concluding with a commitment. It sounds so simple, and yet was remarkably effective.

I personally was able to look at some areas within my life that I struggle with, and have felt 'stuck'. As the possibilities opened up, I realized that I have more options that I realized, and felt empowered in looking at new perspectives. It felt liberating, and freeing.

Thanks to Caroline, Ken, Barbara, Liliane, and Annie. Looking forward to 'Process' in November! Love and peace to you all! NAMASTE

McDreamy or McSteamy????

Sorry, but McSteamy wins!!!!

Hubba Hubba!!!

WOW!!!!!!!

I attended the concert of a lifetime last night. My guest for the evening was my Mom, and I can't have imagined going with anyone else in the world.

The orchestra played in the background, as everyone took their seats. As the flood lights surrounding the orchestra pit collectively shone upwards, the centre cat walk was darkened in the shadows. In a flash the lights went dark, and one single spot light shone down upon the centre stage.

It was Barbra, standing alone....she was glowing! The crowd erupted.

It was a surreal moment. For those of you who know me, it will be no surprise that I got emotional, and had tears in my eyes. And for many reasons.

I think for me, Barbra Streisand's music has always been in the backdrop of my life. It was always played at my Uncle's house during family gatherings. My Nan, with whom I was extremely close, bought me the Barbra Streisand Box Set Collection for my 25th Birthday, "Evergreen" was my wedding song......I think you get the idea.

She is a music icon, and I never thought I would see her 'live' in my lifetime.

She sang a variety of favourites, and was accompanied by the 'pop opera' quartet, 'Il Divo'. I was in heaven!

Of all the people that I could have attended the concert with, I would have chosen no other person than my Mom. I am like my Mom in many ways, and yet in many ways, wish I could be more the person she is.

My Mom, is the strongest woman I know, so I think parallels the powerful woman I see Barbra Streisand representing. My Mom keeps our family together, and always seems to be the one each of us goes to when we need to vent about one another. She works full time, runs a home, takes care of her grandchildren, manages my Dad, manages my sister, and manages ME. Each of which is a full time job in of itself.

My Mom never complains, always wakes up happy and positive, and just moves forward. We all rant and rave, and carry on around her, and all she sees is the love and adoration she has for each one of us. I wish I could be more like that. You see, family is all that matters to my Mom, and I think she's on the money.

So I guess I was in the company of two amazing women last night, one was singing on stage, the other sitting on my left. Love you Mom!

Toronto Half Marathon

This morning I ran the Toronto Half Marathon.

I was excited to be running my second Half Marathon, and was hoping to beat the time I did back in May at the Ottawa Half Marathon.

The scale of this race was smaller than that of the Ottawa Marathon. The route was more varied in it's terrain, which made it a little more challenging.

I was able to run the entire course and finished with a time of 2:08:34.9. So I shaved almost 15 minutes of my last race, which I was pleased with.

Congratulations to all those who ran the Half and full Marathon. Great Job!

Princess Bride

Last night I attended my dear friend Susan's Wedding. Susan looked like a Princess, and her smile lit up the entire hall.

I have known Susan and Lance for close to 3 years, and was honoured to share in their special day. The weather was a little unsettled, but the rain held off long enough during the ceremony and leading into the reception, which was perfect.

From the Ceremony, to the reception, the day went off without a hitch, and a good time was had by all.

I got to see another friend Lauren, who had moved quite a distance away, but came in for the wedding. We danced up a storm, and caught up on each others lives. It's funny how you can not see someone for a length of time, and when you are re-connected, it's as if no time had past at all. I some connections are just meant to be~
All the very best to you Susan and Lance, wishing you both a lifetime of Happiness together!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thanksgiving....I have so many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, I had dinner with 11 of them tonight.

Me....I have the best two kids in the universe, I am healthy, have great family and friends, a great career, and so many other blessings.

Thanks for the best Turkey dinner tonight Mom, I think I will be full for the next two weeks!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! What are you thankful for? Take a minute to think about it, if you haven't!

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Sunday night I attended my dear friend Rose's wedding, held at the Mississauga Convention Centre.

My friend Rose is one of the sweetest women I know. We met at work, and were in the same hire group back in January 2004. The whole group instantly connected, and we have all been friends ever since.

From the day I met Rosie, and was introduced to her fiance George, I knew they were a match made in heaven. It was so great to share in their special day, and see them so happy.

Rosie and George are of Greek heritage, so the traditions of the day were somewhat new to me. One of their traditions was the couple 'breaking' a 'Sweet' bread. They then proceeded to toss pieces of the bread out to the guests in attendance. I think I suitably impressed all of the guests at my table as I caught a piece of the bread, with one hand, without even flinching. Pretty good for a guy who never played baseball eh?

Speeches were conducted in between the courses of the meal, and once complete the dancing began. The Bride, Groom, wedding party and family all joined hands and created a circle. They danced and celebrated the union, each person within the circle taking a turn to lead the dance.

As the Bride and Groom danced, family and guests came up to them and began pinning money to their clothing. The traditions and heritage were great to witness. Later in the evening there was 'Late Night Buffet' where they served lamb and pork. I was taken back to the movie...."You don't like meat? I make you lamb".

Thanks for inviting me Rose and George, it was a privilege to share in your special day. I wish you a lifetime of joy and happiness, and many babies. (Rosie wants 6).

OPA!!!

Happy 30th Beth

Saturday night I attended a surprise birthday party for my cousin's girlfriend Beth. Family and friends gathered at Beth's uncles house to celebrate Beth's 30th birthday. Lots of good conversation, great food and drinks.

Part way through the evening my cousin Craig gathered every one's attention, got down on one knee and proposed to Beth.
It was a really special moment, one that we all got to share in. The party then turned into an engagement celebration, with congratulations and well wishes all around.

Congratulations Craig and Beth, wishing you both all the happiness in the world!!! Love you both~

Fulfillment Coaching

This weekend I attended the "Fulfillment" course with The Coaches Training Institute.

I entered the weekend knowing that it would be intense, from both a "learning how to coach" perspective, but also from a place of great personal learning for me...about 'me'....

For reasons I am still 'being' with, I was not full engaged in the weekend. I was there, received great learning on all fronts, but was in a place of resistance. I'm not making myself wrong for the 'feelings', but am interested in being with them, and fully understanding them.

Entering into the weekend, I was feeling pretty peaceful within myself. I know that these 'training' courses are like emotional Tsunami's for me, so I think I was partly resentful that my 'harmony' was going to be disrupted....(I'm smiling as I type this, because the disruption, was not only welcomed by my spirit, but designed perfectly by the Universe).

This weekend was also a 'kids' weekend for me, and I think I was struggling with an element of guilt for my absence. I know my kids were well taken care of, but I think there was something at play there for me non the less.

One of the things that I found most profound was an exercise in which I 'connected' with my 'Future Self'. When we take time to visualize our future selves, we attach the most important 'values' and 'needs' to them, and the details and trappings of what's in our heads today seems to fall away and hold less of a place of importance.

As I live today, I have the image, identity, even a 'name' of my future self in mind. It leaves me with a sense of 'peace' knowing that I will reach my destination to that 'self'. I think that the space between the 'me' of today, and my 'future self' will now be filled with more aligned decisions and comfort.

My friend Mariana and I have often said that being unemployed leaves a person filled with panic and angst. Yet if that person knew they would get a job in their not too distant future, it would free them up in the 'now', and allow them to enjoy the time in between today and them getting that job in the future.

Similarly, my space can now be filled with more peace, as I feel that I can actually enjoy the times ahead of me. It feels less filled with panic and angst, as I know with every fiber of my being that I will reach my destination. All the things that I want for myself will come to fruition.

Thanks to Deborah, Steven, and Barbara. Great leadership! And thanks to all the participants in attendance with me. Love and peace to you all! NAMASTE

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Where Does The Time Go?

It occurred to me this morning as I was driving to work, that we're already nearing the end of September. I can't believe it, before you know it, it will be Christmas.

As a kid, I remember that time seemed to last forever. The summer holidays felt like many months, not many weeks, and the 35 minute drive into Toronto required pillows, blankets, and food reserves. My how things look different as I get older.

I do think the pace of life has gotten faster. When I was a kid, you had to correspond by mail, and actually call someone. Today I find many of my relationships exist almost exclusively through text messaging, MSN Messenger and email. Actually calling someone is a rare event.

It's funny how everything has become so urgent and immediate. I wonder if the speed with which we live today has made time itself seem to move faster? Imagine being a farmer in the 1800's. Time would feel like it moved slowly, because it did. Absolutely nothing was immediate. Even the most mundane everyday task was laborious.

I like that we have advanced technologically as a society, but I worry that life goes by too quickly. I guess the thing we have to remember is to enjoy each and every day!

Monday Monday

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.

Monday Monday, can't trust that day,
Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday Monday, how yould cou leave and not take me.

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.

Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

Monday Monday, ...

I'm an Uncle

Many of you may not have realized, but I became an Uncle back in June. My sister Tracey got a little Keeshond puppy she named 'Jackson'. Also known as 'Jack', 'Baby Jack', 'Jack Pot', 'Poo Poo's', and 'Brokeback Jack' (cause I tell her he's gay) ;)

He's a lovely little dog, and the apple of my sisters eye. We love you Baby Jack, welcome to the family!

Grey's Anatomy

I struggle some times to find an intelligent program to watch on Television. In the era of mindless reality TV, shows like 'The Surreal Life' are rather painful to happen upon, even by chance, as I channel surf in pursuit of something interesting.

Survivor, and The Amazing Race, although good shows in their day have become passe, I mean how many season's can they stay fresh? The news although reality, and current can prove to be unsettling, and even disturbing for bed time.

Enter 'Grey's Anatomy'. Moving to Thursday nights. An intelligent 'grown up' program that I can't seem to get enough of.

The cinematography and musical score prove to be an intoxication backdrop to the rich tapestry of ongoing character development. Each episode delivers a sophisticated serving of 'adult life', played out for the viewing audience by a talented cast.

The third season begins Thursday September 21/06. Check it out, it's a great show~

"Nobody knows where they might end up Nobody knows"

Happy Birthday Princess

Today is my daughter Alexandria's 9th birthday. 9 years ago at 7:59pm our little 'Alley Cat' came into the world. Where has the time gone???
Alex, I am so proud of you. I wish you a very Happy Birthday, and many more to come!!!

LOVE YOU ALEX!!!! Enjoy your day!!!

Never Can Say Goodbye

I never can say goodbye
No, no, no, I
I never can say goodbye

Every time I think I've had enough
And start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
Piercing me right to the core
It says "Turn around you fool
You know you love him more and more"
Tell me why, is it so
Don't wanna let you go

Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy
Wooo-hooo, baby
I never can say goodbye
No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy
Wooo-hooo, baby
I never can say goodbye
No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Hey, I never can say goodbye
Oh no, I never can say goodbye

I keep thinking that our problems
Soon are all gonna work out
But there's that same unhappy feeling
And there's that anguish
There's that doubt
It's that same old dizzy hang-up
Can't do with you or without
Tell me why is it so
Don't wanna let you go

Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy
Wooo-hooo, baby
I never can say goodbye
No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy
Wooo-hooo, baby
I never can say goodbye
No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson
"Our greatest fear" from her book 'A return to love'

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 38th birthday. In years past I have celebrated the many anniversaries of my 29th Birthday. As I approach 40 however, I am becoming ever closer to my spirit, and am enjoying the wisdom and learning that the years are providing. With each year that passes, I know myself better, and feel more aligned within my self.

I am actually looking forward to 40!

Thanks to all my co-workers, family and friends for all the Birthday accolades. Love to you all!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

Ok, I can barely contain myself, I got tickets for the October 17/06 Barbra Streisand concert at the Air Canada Centre.

I'm taking my Mom, who also is a big Babs fan.

Section 102, Row 31, Seats 9 & 10.....Me, my Mom, and Babs.....every gay mans dream....lol.....I can die now!

For those of you who ever questioned my sexuality, I think all bets are now off?

Skydiving

Yesterday my boss Rod, a work colleague Medha, and myself drove to Baldwin, Ontario (Near Lake Simcoe) to go Skydiving. My boss Rod has done several solo jumps, but it was Medha and my first.

Those of you who know me, know that I don't just do things without having a 'lesson' or 'learning' resonate within me. I wish sometimes that I wasn't so introspective and 'thoughtful' about myself and my life (ok, actually I don't) but alas, it is who I am.

The week preceding the jump, I was feeling scared and apprehensive. I have two kids, and like my life, why am I going to risk it by jumping out of a perfectly good airplane??? The reasons primarily are two fold.

The first being, it is the complete antithesis of anything I would normally do. I like my comfort zone, but know that there is the greatest of learning in being 'uncomfortable'. If there is anything in my life that makes me feel scared, or something that I don't think I can do, I can say to myself "Darran, you jumped out of an airplane...there is NOTHING you can't do!"

The second, is knowing that anything in life is a choice, a decision. There was a moment that I was sitting with my legs out of the plane and I had a choice, jump or not jump. I just made the decision to 'jump', and that was that. I faced my fear, and worked through it.

I will admit to making some 'peace' with God in the days, moments, before the jump. I didn't think I was going to plummet to my death, but there is an element of possibility that I was present to, and it made me do some thinking. (me thinking? there's a new one).

It's funny how we incorporate 'risks' into our daily lives, and yet don't even really think about them anymore. I am not certain of the exact statistics, but from what I hear, there is a much higher risk involved in driving your car for a period of time, than Skydiving. And yet, driving our cars everyday is a risk that has been so seamlessly interwoven into our daily routines, we aren't even cognizant of it any longer.

The Jump itself involves a day of training. The start of which is the president of the parachute school giving you the 'speech' to try and talk you out of the jump. This is followed by the Jump Master giving you instruction on what 'should' happen during the jump, and what to do if something goes wrong, or there is a malfunction with your parachute. There were a couple of times during the day that Medha and I looked at each other and thought, "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING???".

Regardless, we worked through the fear, and headed up in the airplane. It's funny, I was very conscious of what I was feeling as the jump became imminent. I was surprised to feel absolutely 'nothing'. I was not nauseous, not shaky, I felt nothing. I don't know whether I had disengaged my thoughts from my body, but it was almost like I was on auto pilot.

Medha was the first one out, poised at the opening of the plane, the "Jump" command was yelled, she pushed off, and was gone. It was then my turn. I moved to the opening, sat with my legs outside of the plane, and heard the words "Jump". In that moment, I pushed off. I don't think I actually did anything that I was taught in the training, but I guess I can't be rated on form my first time?!?!Thankfully, my parachute deployed as it should, and I enjoyed the ride back down to solid ground, under the direction and guidance of the ground instructor.

My landing was great, and once I had solid ground beneath me, instantly felt nauseous and light headed. I think I re-engaged my body, and actually 'felt' what I had disconnected from pre-jump.

All three of us, completed our jumps safely and re-united with handshakes, and hugs. It was a great moment. One that I will never forget.

I have learned in this life, that you can never say 'never', but I am pretty sure I will not need to go Skydiving again. Medha said she wants to go again, and Rod is working towards some certifications. For me, I can cross Skydiving off the list.

Thanks to Kevin Bate our Jump Master, to the Parachute School of Toronto, Rod for being the catalyst in my doing this, and Medha for having the guts to do it with me.

I will never forget it, what a ride!!!!

Tracey

My sister Tracey and I were sitting on a patio last Thursday night, the evening was organized for our cousin Kelly's wedding rehearsal dinner. We had gone for dinner and then met for drinks at a lakeside restaurant in Burlington. As we were talking I shared some thoughts with her on how much I love her, and that I am proud of her, for all of her accomplishments, and just for who she is!

Tracey is 2 years and 8 months younger than me, and yet in many ways her wisdom supersedes my own. The title of my blog is "Authentic One", it's something that I strive for within myself. The ability to be 'authentic' within the universe, and feeling aligned. I have always said that Tracey is my benchmark for 'authenticity'.

People who know the two of us often comment on how different we are, and yet in many ways we are 'one'. Shared hurts and emotion connect us in a way that no one else can know. It's funny how two people who 'appear' so different, can be so bonded and connected. I guess it's the dynamic of 'siblings'?

My sister is a straight shooter, what you see is what you get. She is who she is, and is not out to impress anyone. I could take a 'leaf from her book' on that one.

When we were teenagers, again we were very different, and yet were close. We could always talk and would connect spiritually, we understood each other. Over the years we have had our ups and downs, but we are in a really good place now, one that I know cannot be compromised. It feels good to have her in my life, I always know that no matter what, I have my sister by my side. (wow, I'm 'tearing' up now)

I hope that my kids are as connected as Tracey and I are. I always tell my children, always 'have each others backs'. No matter who comes in and out of your
life, your brother/sister will always be a constant.

Tracey....Thank you for all you are!!! I love you, and always 'have your back'.....xoxo

How Come The World Won't Stop

hmmm

Somebody told me
you were not coming home
the words are spinnin' in time
and the air suddenly went cold

The sun is still shining
but everything feels like rain, oh
and if I had one wish
it would be to see you again

Nothing's fair
when we loose
without a moment to say goodbye

How come the world won't stop spinning
now that you're gone (now that you're gone)
I know every end has beginnings
but this one's all wrong (this one's all wrong)
so wrong, so wrong

Caught in the middle
wrong place, wrong time
and I'm hopelessly missing you
and I can't stop deny

Nothing's fair anymore
and I know there's a better place
and I'll never stop dreaming of you
ooooh

How come the world won't stop spinning
(now that you're gone) now that you're gone
I know every end has beginnings
but this one's all wrong (this one's all wrong)
so wrong, so wrong

How can the seasons keep changing
since you disappeared
oh yeah
(tell me) how come the world won't stop
how come the world won't stop

Sweet tears are shed
this pain we lay to rest
it's hard lettin' go
but I keep movin' on
in a place I don't belong

How come the world (stop spinning)
said now that you're gone
I know every end has beginning
said this one's all wrong
said this one's all wrong
(how can the seasons) keep changing
since you disappeared
oh, you're gone
you're gone
how come the world won't stop
how come the world won't stop

How come the world won't stop spinning
now that you're gone
yeah heya
I know every end has beginning
but this one's all wrong
so wrong

Mariah's in the House!!!!

Last night we went to the Mariah Carey concert at the Air Canada Centre. From the beginning of the concert to the end, Mimi broke it down! That girl has a set of pipes on her like no one else.

Sean Paul opened for her, and had the entire stadium on their feet. The energy was great, and the music was awesome. It's funny how music is the narrative backdrop to all of our lives. I looked around at times and saw people singing the songs word for word, and feeling the music. Each individual connecting to a memory, person, or 'time' in their lives that is encapsulated in the lyrics of the song being performed.

We were on our feet the whole night, and didn't stop dancing. From "Heartbreaker" to "Don't forget about us", Mariah sang her heart out.

I think the true test of a great artist is how they sound when performing live. The digitally mixed 'pop' artists of today don't really have to be able to sing, they just have to be marketable. Sean Paul and Mariah's sound was fantastic, from their vocals to the ACC acoustics and sound mix.

Great concert all around....Thanks Mariah.....smooches!

Dirty Little Secret

If I had the chance love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Cause I've relied on my illusion
To keep me warm at night
And I've denied in my capacity to love
I am willing to give up this fight

I've been up all night drinking
To drown my sorrow down
But nothing seems to help me since you've went away
I'm so tired of this town
Where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
They're telling secrets that should never be revealed
There's nothing to be gained from this
But disaster
Here's a good one

Did you hear about my friend
He's embarrassed to be seen now
Cause we all know his sins

If I had the chance love
Oh no, I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late

Cause I've relied on my illusion
To keep me warm at night
I've denied in my capacity to love
I am willing to give up this fight
Oh, I am willing to give up this fight

Sunday Mornings

I got up this morning and enjoyed my breakfast and coffee on the back deck. The temperatures have dropped now, and the coolness of morning is a welcome reprieve from the summer heat. The verdant surroundings of the garden, the birds chirping, coffee and scrambled eggs......Good Times!

Good Mother

I've got money in my pocket,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house, I've got a car.
I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.

Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
I've never wanted anything.
No I've, no I've, I've never wanted anything,
so bad..(so bad).

Cardboard masks of all the people I've been
Thrown out, with all the rusted, tangled
dented God Damned miseries!!
You could say I'm hard to hold,
But if you knew me you'd know,
I've got a good father,
And his strength is what makes me cry.

Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
I've never wanted anything,
No I've, no I've, I've never
wanted anything so bad..(so bad).

I've got money in my pockets,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house, I've got a car.
I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.

Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.

Heart in hand,
Feet on ground,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.
just be yourself.
just be yourself.

Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand....

Happy Birthday Baby!!!!

Today is my friend Elizabeth's Birthday. I love her and miss her. She was home visiting two weeks ago, we had sooo much fun together. We went dancing and just caught up. No matter how much time passes between us seeing each other, it feels like no time has passed at all. She is my heart~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY DOLL!!!!!xoxoxox

Namaste

I honor you...
I honor the place within you
where the entire universe resides.
I honor the place within you
of love and light, of peace and truth.
I honor the place within you where,
when you are in that place in you
and I am in that place in me,
there is only one of us.

For Hindu(s), the greeting of choice is "Namaste," the two hands pressed together and held near the heart with the head gently bowed as one says, "Namaste". Thus it is both a spoken greeting and a gesture, a Mantr(a) and a Mudr(a). The prayerful hand position is a Mudr(a) called Anjali, from the root Anj, "to adorn, honor, celebrate or anoint." The hands held in union signify the oneness of an apparently dual cosmos, the bringing together of spirit and matter, or the self meeting the Self. It has been said that the right hand represents the higher nature or that which is divine in us, while the left hand represents the lower, worldly nature.

Gratitude

I was sitting out on my back deck this afternoon, catching some rays, and a little child in one of the neighbouring yards was laughing, it wasn't just a laugh, but more of an angelic 'chortle'. It made me smile, and I acknowledged the pure feeling of gratitude that resonated within me. Gratitude that she was laughing, and what it meant for me to hear it. "Thank you Universe".

By the grace of God, I have so many blessings in my life, and yet am not always present to how lucky and fortunate I really am. I get caught up in my own head about what I 'think' I don't have, and forget to be profoundly grateful for what I do have.

So many things are lining up for me in my life right now. I have my health, my kids, friends and family. I am developing my own Life Coaching practice and 'LOVING' it. I am in the process of buying my own Condo, and can't wait for that. Most importantly my spirit is feeling aligned, and my heart is at peace with things that I have struggled with for far too long. Clarity. "THANK YOU"

Life moves quickly today, and we can easily focus on the negative. I think the art of mastering a 'purposeful' life, is recognizing the things we should be 'grateful' for and focusing on them. Simple things like a child's innocent laughter. (I'm smiling right now as I type this) It feels good! Live in 'gratitude', say "Thank you", the results will astound you~

Sara

Wait a minute baby...
Stay with me awhile
Said youd give me light
But you never told be about the fire

Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now its gone
It doesnt matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home

And he was just like a great dark wing
Within the wings of a storm
I think I had met my match -- he was singing
And undoing the laces
Undoing the laces

Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now its gone
It doesnt matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home

Hold on
The night is coming and the starling flew for days
Id stay home at night all the time
Id go anywhere, anywhere
Ask me and Im there because I care

Sara, you're the poet in my heart
Never change, never stop
And now its gone
It doesnt matter what for
When you build your house
Ill come by

Drowning in the sea of love
Where everyone would love to drown
And now its gone
It doesnt matter anymore
When you build your house
Call me home

All I ever wanted
Was to know that you were dreaming
(theres a heartbeat
And it never really died)

Urban Suburban

This weekend past I spent some time with my friend Colin in Little India, and at the Beaches International Jazz Festival. I have a great love for Indian food, but had never ventured into 'little India'. It was a great experience.

My friend Colin is a gay dad, he has a 7 year old son. I heard him tell me about his son eating 'sushi' and having a 'Starbuck's' card, and it made me aware of how I limit my kids exposure to only 'suburban' pursuits. 'Wendy's', 'Swiss Chalet' etc, my kids have a pretty vanilla experience of ethnic foods and culture. I myself relish venturing into the city, and enjoying a multitude of ethnic cuisines, I couldn't imagine not. Yet I don't think to bring my kids into the city to experience it with me? I have always felt a disconnect with what I classify as my two existences, Gay in Toronto, Dad in Burlington, and yet I am thinking it's time to align the two 'worlds' that have felt so separate and inclusive unto themselves.

As I walked around the Jazz festival, enjoying the music, I was aware of all the diversity. So many families and kids enjoying all the festival had to offer. I think my kids would really enjoy having their Dad show them new and exciting sights, smells, and tastes. Things that they have not yet experienced living in the 'bubble' of suburbia.

My kids are currently vacationing in Disney World for two weeks with my parents, but upon their return, I'm going to start expanding their horizons. I don't know what they will quite say about trying 'Sushi', but hey, I'll give them the opportunity.